I recently took a fun little quiz on Facebook. This particular quiz was asking "Which County Are Your Manners From? Curiosity got the better of me, so I answered all of the questions, and my score told me my manners were quintessentially British. This made me laugh! (mostly because I wasn't particularly surprised). After all, the Brit's are synonymous with tradition and polite behavior. But I was born and raised in Australia, and I have no British ancestry....so how has this come to be? Yes,I know it is just a silly Facebook quiz, but it did get me thinking...if my are my manners are British, does this mean my manners might come across in our laidback Australian culture "Old School?" Not that I have a problem with that.
I'm starting this blog with a picture from my very own house. Below is a photo of my kitchen table, which has been set for a dinner party. Notice the plates, the cutlery, and the different wine glasses. Placemats, cloth napkins, candles and fresh flowers finish off the formal setting. (At this point you might be thinking, OK it's just a dinner table, so what?).
It's not table dressings I want to talk about, it's the social situation, being invited to dine in someone's home.
Have a bit of a think about the following scenarios:
1) If you sat down at a table set like this in someone's home, would you put your mobile phone on the table? If there was a slump in the conversation, would you do a sneaky check of your emails under the table?
2) If you turned up to this dinner party in ripped jeans, ugg boots and a comfy hoodie, would you feel underdressed and immediately uncomfortable? Or warm and cozy because it's really cold outside?
3) If a plate of coq au vin was placed in front of you, but you don't eat bacon, would you discreetly push the bacon to the side of your plate and eat the rest of your meal?
4) OR, would you decline the plate of coq au vin, and just sit in front of an empty plate drinking wine and chatting away? Would you feel awkward and a bit self-conscious with everyone else eating around you?
5) Have you previously found yourself in a situation where the host didn't bother to check guest's dietary requirements or preferences prior to planning the menu? And you have had to eat something you actually find disgusting?
6) Have you turned up to a meal in someone's home and decided that none of the food suited you, so you simply asked the host to cook you something else?
You might laugh, but all of these situations have happened at dinner at my house! Luckily, (or unluckily) in scenario number five I was actually the guest in someone else's home, and not the host on this occasion.
The reason I ask these questions, is because dinner parties are a perfect example of a social situation where people can feel very uncomfortable, and be terrified of committing social faux pas. It's not just the 3 different forks people find intimidating, it's what time to arrive, what to bring, where to sit, will my kids behave? Are my kids even invited? I don't like mushrooms/lamb/seafood/soup. I've recently gone gluten free....does my host know this? Arrrggg!!!! No wonder we need a glass of wine on arrival. Takes the edge off those nerves...
But even without the flowers and candlelight, just casually dining in someone's home can be cause for major stress for guests and hosts alike. Sadly, this it's for this reason I am convinced we now almost always meet in restaurants and cafes with family and friends. Now, please don't misunderstand me here, restaurants are awesome and Melbourne has some of the best in the world! But being invited to dine in someone's home is just so lovely, and people generally love being cooked for. It really makes us feel nurtured and spoilt.
However, Australia being the casual and laid-back place that it is, your invitation might be for more of a casual backyard BBQ, involving eating off a paper plate and being asked to BYO drinks. But believe it or not, the relaxed vibe doesn't dictate for a relaxed attitude towards your hosts. At the end of the day, someone is opening up their home to you, and there are general courtesies we all should follow. You might be thinking, really? But trust me on this one.
I will address these courtesies in part 2...so stay tuned!
Vickie
